Thursday, February 26, 2009

Half Way Through

Hi, everyone-

There are lots of random thoughts that have hit me over the last few days so I'm going to put them out there, but I'll try to at least keep them in some sort of logical order. Today has been the hardest day yet. I had an early meeting this morning so I set everything out last night so I could make my PB&J sandwich first thing this morning and get away from the house on time. When the alarm went off it was so hard to get out of bed. My energy level is very low, and that's unusual for me. I know it is because I haven't been eating well. The odd part about this week is I haven't been hungry, not like I thought I would be. I really expected there would be nights when I went to bed hungry and then would be starving by lunch the next day. But that hasn't happened. I anticipated feeling so hungry I would want to eat everything in sight, but instead I have been getting by with very little. I have come to know that even though I don't feel hungry, the diet is taking a toll on my body. I had to give in today and go through the Chick Fil A drive through and get a kid's meal. I really didn't want to spend the money, but I had to get something of substance (such that it is.) I know I am going to end up going over the $25 but at this point I realize I can't do harm to my body, so I might have to hit another drive through before the week is over (an option I am very well aware is not available to most.) Last night I planned to eat my $.88 TV dinner, but it was SO bad I couldn't eat it. I ended up settling for cottage cheese and crackers, hence the low energy level today. I've found the last couple of days that it is hard for me to concentrate on what I'm doing and I'm sluggish. I've always been someone who could easily skip a meal and not think twice about it, but now I realize it's not so much how often I eat, but WHAT I eat. I've been very diligent about not eating anything that I didn't purchase with my $25. There is always food in my office (maybe it's just my imagination but I think there is more this week than normally!) and I could go to a meeting almost every day and be fed and never spend a penny of my own, but I didn't want to partake in that because I know most people who are struggling to make ends meet aren't in this position and I didn't want to taint the experience. I noticed a sign at a fast food restaurant this morning that read "Got a buck? We'll feed you." Immediately my thought was "I don't have an extra $1 to go through your drive through." I would imagine there are hundreds of people who drive past that sign each day and think the same thing. I've never given much thought to where or how much money I spend until this week. What an eye opener this has been. Every day my friends and family ask me how the challenge is going. Today my answer will be very different: It's hard because reality has set in. It's hard because today I have felt the cumulative effect of the lack of food (or more appropriately the right foods) but I realize this will all end for me in a few more days. It won't end for others! Sorry for the ramblings today. kbk

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